TWINFIELD TOGETHER MENTORING
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Stages of Mentoring Relationships

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Many mentoring relationships follow these four stages - though they frequently overlap,  and often go back and forth. This is normal.  Remembering these stages may help you build and sustain your mentoring relationship. 

Stage 1: Building trust
  • Both the mentor and mentee are trying to define their roles in the relationship.
  • In this phase, the mentor will need to take more of the initiative to build the friendship, as the mentee may just be beginning to understand how to develop a friendship with an older adult they don’t know yet. 
  • Youth will sometimes test the limits of the friendship at this time. This is a time to set clear boundaries with your mentee, creating a foundation for mutual trust and respect. 
  • Remember, you were matched with your mentee based on similar interests. Focus on these common interests, and fun together. 
  • A mentor’s role is often very different from other adult/youth relationships you may have been involved in before. Remembering your role, and using the program as a resource for understanding this unique relationship,is a great way to get the most out of your mentoring relationship.  ​
Stage 2: Enhancing the relationship
  • As your trust and comfort with each other grows, conversations and what you do together becomes more of a mutual decision. 
  • Enhance your mentee’s life skills by helping them see themselves as capable thinkers and decision makers in their life. (remember the article, “Honoring the mentee’s Rights to Self-Determination.”)
  • Expand your mentee’s world view by exploring new ideas, new people and new places. Many youth can often only see the possibilities that they have seen for themselves so far, a mentor offers a new window into other options for a mentee as they think about their own possibilities and potentials. (Mentors often get the added benefit of their own world view being expanded as well)
Stage 3: Sustaining the relationship
  • Trust has been established, and conversations can often become more comfortable, personal and open. 
  • Both the mentor and mentee are actively contributing to the relationship.
  • Mentees feel more comfortable, and may begin seeing mentors as a problem solver. Continue to help your mentee to assess the problem, identify solutions, and review pros and cons of different choices. 
  • Remembering your role as a friend, guide and advocate will help your mentee develop important life long skills to become better problem solvers and critical thinkers. 
Stage 4: Transitioning or continuing the relationship
  • There are times when looking back (and forward) in a relationship is a healthy and wonderful thing to do.  
  • When an opportunity presents itself, reflecting together on your relationship (what is going well, what could make our friendship better…?) allows for healthy closure when the time comes. 
  • Closure is a natural part of the mentoring cycle, and should be acknowledged as a natural part of life. We know support during closure is critical in ensuring positive outcomes for both the youth and the mentor volunteer. 
  • ​Healthy closure gives mentees an opportunity to reflect on their experiences and practice positive communication with a trusted adult. 
  • Formal and guided closure is an opportunity to:
    • Model to youth that relationships and people change over time, and being open to this change is part of being in a healthy relationship. 
    • Reflect back on the mentoring friendship - think about memories and what each learned from the other. 
    • Set realistic plans for continued communication.
    • Say thank you for being open to a mentoring relationship.
  • Let the program director know when you and your mentee are ready to have formal closure, so they can support you in this delicate process. ​
Adapted from Mentoring Guide from The Mentoring Partnership of Southwest Pennsylvania

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Twinfield Together Mentoring Program
106 Nasmith Brook Road
Plainfield, VT 05667
(802) 426-3213 X 255
pam.quinn@ccsuvt.net 


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  • Home
  • About Us
    • AmeriCorps position opening
    • Community Mentoring >
      • What Community Mentors Say
      • Mentors & Mentees are up to
    • Peer Mentoring >
      • Peer Leadership
      • What Peer Mentors Say
    • Our Supporters
  • Looking for a Mentor
  • Mentors
    • Art & Building Kits
    • Monthly Activities
    • Mentor Resources
    • Virtual Mentoring >
      • Take and Make Art Kits
    • DEI Book Series
  • Recent News
    • TTMP in the News
  • Support Us
  • Mentoring Mindset Blog